I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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