I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
