just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
