Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
