so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
