oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize
