Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
