Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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