there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
