Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
