I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
