I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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