she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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