I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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