I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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