i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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