I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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