So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
