I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
