420 ftw
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
