I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
