He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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