we made out on top of his cat.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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