Where did you get a picture of my penis
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
