I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
