if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
4 words: hood of his car
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
