They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
