The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
