a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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