I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
