i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
