In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
