You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
