oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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