Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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