she woke up with a sticky ear
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
