idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
