Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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