So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
