My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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