Cold hands, warm shart.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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