I'm jealous of your bromance
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
