As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
