Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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