This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
