HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
