He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
