dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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