Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
