Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
