At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
